I seriously need to get out of my shell and hopefully you guys don’t get bored reading this because it’s so long (lol). This week's blog will be a little personal, but I would like to share this to all of you.
When I was young, I loved performing and I was very talkative. But what happened to the confident me?
What you see outside of me, as in the way I show myself is not who I really am. I am constantly labeled as the girl who doesn’t like talk, the shy one, the boring one, the girl who doesn't like to do anything, etc. It hurts to hear that because I know deep inside that is not who I am. However, that is how I portray myself. Some sociologist says that stereotype continues to exist because we make it as our strength. We make the negative part of it into something positive. Not all of you may agree on that theory or may not even understand what I was trying to say, but I think that's the reason why the constant labeling towards me molded me to “who I am.” Because I am constantly being called as a shy person, I became a shy person. Because I am constantly being called a quiet person, I became a quiet person. I was labeled before they knew who I really was. And the sad part is, I just let people mold me into something I'm really not.
Since I am shy, I prevent myself from being humiliated. Therefore, I don’t speak. Because I “ignore” people they think that I am a snob or unfriendly. However, when I know you and choose not to talk to you, it usually means I don’t like talking to you (lol). I will still be friendly, but if you’re someone who forces your opinion even if 5 people with proof of evidence gank up on you saying that you are wrong, then I just find that annoying. And if you’re someone who constantly talks about yourself, calling yourself the best, think you’re better than everybody else, and simply a know-it-all, then yeah I would not want to have a long conversation with you. Wow, sorry if I sounded like a b!tch (LOL). Reason why I avoid people like that is because I don’t want to start and fuss. So it’s better to not say anything at all.
Here’s a funny one. My friends would ask me why I did not say hi to them. The reason is that I don’t like the feeling of embarrassment and stupidity when I try to say hi to someone because they did not hear me or see me at all.
I would like to show a few facial expressions and what they really mean when I portray them. Hopefully after clarifying these, people would stop misinterpreting my expressions when they see me.
This is so not my angry face. I hate wearing contacts and glasses so I have to constantly squint. And no, I am not staring you down. I'm just trying to see if I know you are, so sorry if it looks like I’m mad at you. I seriously need to get contacts (lol).
I am not sad. This expression usually means exhaustion or I could be thinking about something.
And sorry if I look irritated. I’m just hungry (lol).
Look how much I opened up. I even showed you guys how I look like when going to bed (lol)! But don’t you just <3 my bun? ^-^v
Marlene,
ReplyDeleteI can see your reasoning behind not talking for fear of humiliation. I can't help feeling you experienced quite a bit of it to make you feel so uncomfortable with yourself and for that I am sorry. I also feel the same about being around big headed snobs. It is such a waste of time. I also feel like such a nerd when I wave at people and they don't wave back. I feel like other people are laughing at my failure to communicate.
I have to ask you if your earlier performing is what made you shy. I've heard of actors feeling comfortable behind a script but when that wasn't provided in real life they didn't feel comfortable speaking.
You need to get some sleep young lady! Posting at 4AM, tisk, tisk! But I do dig your bun...
@ PCT4ME:
ReplyDeleteLOL i'm always awake around that time and yes my sleeping schedule messed up
performing was not the reason why i became shy. it all started in high school with a different reason.
thank you for liking my bun <3 ^-^
I enjoyed your blog again Lene! Your blog is always something to look forward to, it is very creative and it looks like you have a real passion for writing and blogging, you should keep it up! I also need to “get out of my shell” (by the way, your photoshop skills of you in a shell is hilarious. LOL). Anyway, I think everyone needs to get out of their shells, people have different personalities and everyone is different of course but holding stuff in is sometimes hazardous. I like how you got very personal in this blog, I can relate to that. You noted how you changed over time and eventually turned into the complete opposite over the years, but I think everyone experiences that especially when everyone moves around from place to place. Where you grew up of course is always going to be where you're most comfortable because you are used to the customs, language and the overall views.
ReplyDeleteGood to see you get comfortable enough to express your “true-meanings” of what your faces say. Your hungry face looks more like an irritated expression, But I do like your bun lol. I also believe that stereotyping is a strong tool as a mean of manipulating, it's sometimes positive or negative – it depends.